Published: September 1, 2009

Caregiving is not easy for anyone, not for the caregiver and not for the care recipient. From a distance, it may be especially hard to feel that what you are doing is enough, or that what you are doing is important. It usually is.

Some Good Ideas:

• Know what you need to know. Experienced caregivers recommend that you learn as much as you can about your parent’s illness and treatment. Information can help you understand what is going on, anticipate the course of an illness, prevent crises, and assist in disease management. It can also make talking with the doctor easier. Learn as much as you can about the resources available. Make sure at least one family member has written permission to receive medical and financial information. Try putting together a notebook, or something similar, that includes all the vital information about healthcare, social services, contact numbers, financial issues, and so on. Make copies for other caregivers.
• Plan your visits. When visiting your parent, you may feel that there is just too much to do in the time that you have. You can get more done and feel less stressed by talking to your parent ahead of time and finding out what he or she would like to do. Decide on the priorities and leave other tasks to another visit.
• Remember to actually spend time visiting with your family member. Try to make time to do things unrelated to being a caregiver. Maybe you could rent a movie to watch with your parents, or visit with old friends or other family members. Perhaps your aunt or uncle would like to attend worship services. Finding a little bit of time to do something simple and relaxing can help everyone.
• Get in touch and stay in touch. Many families schedule conference calls with doctors, the assisted living facility team, or nursing home staff to get up-to-date information about a parent’s health and progress. Some families schedule conference calls so several relatives can participate in one conversation. Sometimes a social worker is good to talk to for updates, as well as for help in making decisions. The human touch is important too. Try to find people in your parent’s community who can be your eyes and ears and provide a realistic view of what is going on. In some cases, this will be your other parent.
• Help your parent stay in contact. For one family, having a private phone line installed in their father’s nursing home room allowed him to stay in touch. For another family, giving the grandmother a cell phone (and then teaching her to use it) gave everyone some peace of mind. You can program telephone numbers (such as doctors’, neighbors’, and your own) into your parent’s phone so that he or she can speed-dial contacts. Such simple strategies can be a lifeline for you and your parent.
• Get a phone book, either hardcopy or online, that lists resources in your parent’s neighborhood. Having a copy of the phone book for your parent’s city or town can be really helpful. The “Blue Pages” can provide an easy guide to state and local services available in your parent’s hometown.

Adapted from the National Institute on Aging